Does the picture look too depressing?
Yes?
No?
Never-mind lets run with it. I think I want to encapsulate where I am at the moment and I believe its ok to be feeling the way I feel . I guess let the power of creative freedom just flow.
So some updates
April has been a hard month. By now I should have had 6 posts on the blog , but alas life just happens and things do not turn out the way you want it to. But I am proud of posting this.
So I have decided to keep pursing the career path I have been most afraid of not because I am not capable but because I have worried that my habit of procrastination is too crippling.
For the first time in a very long time I cried reading a book.
When Neil Fiore wrote that procrastination isn’t the disease but the symptom, I burst into tears.
For the first time, I had to stop blaming my procrastination on laziness-and admit that it’s rooted in fear. Fear of failing. Fear of not meeting expectations.
I realized that as soon as I achieve something, I immediately discount my future success. I convince myself that failure is inevitable, that disappointment is just around the corner.
From that moment on, my actions align with that belief. I slowly sabotage myself until I’m right where I feared I'd end up: failing to meet my own expectations and wondering, “Wow… where did the time go? Can I even go back? What's wrong with me?”
So that is the journey the Now Habit has taken me on. I have not finished the first chapter because its the clearest mirror into who I am and how I think. And that has been difficult to process.
Its the first chapter...
I keep going back to the questionnaire he asked in the first two pages of the chapter of the warning signs of procrastination and see ticks answering yes to all the questions asked.
The one question he asks is "Do you have difficulty knowing what you really want for yourself but are clear about what you should want."
I cannot answer what I want but its much easier to answer the question of what I should want because its easier to imagine than it is to be. So that is the question I have been wrestling with this past few weeks. And honestly it has put me in a rather dark place.
So future Thandeka. I really hope you figured things out.
Growing pains. I am right!
About Thandeka Moyo
Hi!
Welcome to my blog-where I document my journey of discovering the world of investing.
This space is filled with my raw, unfiltered thoughts-hopes, dreams, anxieties, and fears- as I navigate what it means to be young and seeking one's purpose.
One day, I want to look back at these posts and laugh wholeheartedly at how much I’ve grown. So, come along for the ride! There will be bumps along the way, but with consistent introspection and a growth mindset, you will find me better, stronger and a CFA Charterholder!